Much Ado About Muffin'

After unashamedly buying into the 'Great American Starbucks Culture' as I meandered my way around the United States this past summer, I began to indulge on a rather regular basis, and a trip to Starbucks went from an occasional treat to something of a frequent occurrence.

By the time I hit the road on a monumental 13 hour drive from Nashville to Miami in late September it became apparent that I was a bigger fan of their blueberry muffins than I cared to admit. Not a fan in the same sense as teenage girl fans of High School Musical who scream hysterically as one of the ridiculously 'Hollywood' stars brushes past them before the premier of film number 27. I don't want to conjure up images of a crazed traveller banging on the doors of a local Starbucks demanding they OPEN UP so I can get my berry fix for the day! But my fleeting penchant for these fluffy little guys had indeed grown to new proportions, and you become aware of how stuffing one down your face has risen on your list of important things to do when you drive for an extra hour on the freeway, past several other coffee houses and gas stations, audibly cursing Florida's lack of Starbucks to yourself (alone in the car). But at least you are aware of the issue as you scream "FUCK THIS PISS ASS STATE"...short pause ...shame. At this time I feel I should make it clear that I have nothing against Florida, only at the time the sight of another Costa Coffee sign pushed me over the edge!

Anyway, I got to wondering how I fell quite so much for these overly expensive snacks, and why no others would do. Was there real magic in those Starbucks berries? Was I so brand loyal that I wouldn't try something new? Or was it that the 4 pack I bought from a 24 hour convenience store in San Francisco made me want to puke so much I actually considered making my self sick into a bucket just so I could take it back to the store, pour it over the counter and politely ask for a refund! "Errr, excuse me sir, your muffins have made me sick... I don't do sick muffins!" This was the most likely cause for my decision to hunt down the nearest Starbucks franchise, even if it was a lengthy drive! However, I did often wonder if I was an addict, and if they were secretly slipping crack into their recipe! I mean, as illegal as it is, it's a brilliant plan. Get you hooked on their muffins, and after some time... voila, monopoly!! If it was the case and people knew it, I wonder if it would affect their purchase behaviour, or would they still arrive every morning, slowly scoffing ...ahhh delicious crack muffin! At this juncture I should probably also mention that I am not accusing Starbucks of putting crack in their muffins. But if the news ever breaks, remember you read it here first!

Whatever the real reason, since my return to England I have not been able to find a decent enough replacement muffin to slake my morning blueberry lust! Perhaps muffin makers in England don't have the same experience, perhaps they cater to the different tastes of the English pallet, or perhaps the muffin market in the UK is not sufficiently large enough to warrant investment into muffin R&D! Whatever the reason, I feel I need to do whatever it takes to leave my muffin addiction in the past, in America, where it belongs!

Goodbye sweet crack muffin.